Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Curmudgeon in the Wry, Episode 602

Tuesday, April 23, 2019--- 1187 Words---Average Reading Time: 4 Minutes, 11 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
No French Fry Left Behind.
Free shipping and handling.
Back by the demand of virtually no one.
Seeking only to enlighten and amuse.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001. 
News both helpful and devastating.
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Viewer Indiscretion Is Advised.
Love your hair...hope you win!
Tom Baldrica: Minnesota Correspondent. 
Carl Moesche: West Coast Correspondent. 
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Rave: Vaughn Monroe.
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Reading: “Two Kinds of Truth” by Michael Connelly (Third time)
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On the Hi Fi: “Dark Sacred Night, the Music of Harry Bosch.”
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Under Rated: Victor Mature.
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Ultra Rave: “Bosch” Season Five on Amazon Prime is beyond exceptional. I enjoyed all ten episodes over the weekend, and am about to finish “Two Kinds of Truth” later this afternoon. Then I will watch Bosch again...it is that outstanding.
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Quote: “Casinos are now America’s version of elder care.”—Gina Barreca, Boston Herald.
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Take It To The Bank: I am not a member of any Who’s Who publication...you can find me in Who Cares journals.
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By The Way: I have not seen a single episode of “Game of Thrones.” Some day, I suspect people will compliment me for this.
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Go To Your Room: Has Hollywood run out of cartoons to make into movies...or is that just wishful thinking?
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Your Number Is Up: We do less than 10% of our retail shopping online, make less than 2% of our purchases on a mobile phone, and buy fewer than 3% of our cars with hybrid engines. 
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Hmmm: How does a skateboard follow the person when they leap several feet in the air?
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Mailing It In: 43 buildings in Manhattan have their own ZIP code.
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Who Knew: The Flat Earth Society has members all aroundthe globe.
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Elementary My Dear Watson: The letter J is the only letter that doesn't appear in any of the elements on the Periodic Table.
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Stat Stuff: The chances are that 40% of you will make it to the end of this edition of CITW.
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You know you’re old:  When you forget names...but it's OK because some people forgot they even knew you!!!
When going out is good...coming home is better!
When the things you used to care to do, you aren't as interested in anymore, but you really don't care that you aren't as interested.
When you sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV on than in bed.   It's called "pre-sleep".
When you miss the days when everything worked with just an "on" and "off" switch.
When you notice everything they sell in stores that's your size... doesn't fit anymore.
When everybody whispers.
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Misdirection Play: Alaska is the most northern, western, and eastern state.  How is it the most eastern?  A few of its islands cross into the eastern hemisphere.
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Words of Wisdom From Frank Zappa: “Modern music is people who can’t think, signing artists who can’t write songs to make records for people who can’t hear.”
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Payback: When you think about today’s music the same way your parents thought about yours.
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Pop Quiz:Name the two colleges with the most Super Bowl-winning quarterbacks?
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High Tech:  Is there any truth to the rumor that life was better before anyone ever heard of a password?
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Irony: Stephen Hawking claimed that there is no God...according to God, there is now no Stephen Hawking.
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Inquiring Minds Want to Know: Why would you ever enroll in auto pay with anyone...let alone your cable company?
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Quote: “If it were not for the last minute, nothing would get done.”—Anon. 
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Double Duty:"Sahara" means "desert" in Arabic . . . so the Sahara Desert is the "desert desert."
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Ball Four: Spring Training is a remnant from another era.
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Hmmm: How is it that pro athletes never have the flu, only “flu-like symptoms”? Think they ever have headache-like symptoms?
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Truism: TV and Hollywood continue to present incontrovertible proof that no bad idea in unworthy of duplication.
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Overkill: The Constitution does not have to rewritten...it needs to be reread.
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Didjaknow: Vincent van Gogh'spainting "The Starry Night" is the view from the window of his asylum room in France.
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Look Both Ways: The rest of the world may not like what America stands for, but they sure love our benefits.
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Something Today’s Pampered Professional Athletes Should Ponder: Hoyt Wilhelm...a Battle of the Bulge survivor...a 29-year-old rookie who lasted 21 years in the major leagues. 
Not bad for a six-foot right-hander. 
First ML pitcher to make 1,000 appearances...hit his only ML home run in 1952...hit his only ML triple in 1953, and won a World Series ring with 1954 Giants. 
Threw the first no-hitter for the Baltimore Orioles in 1958. 
Hung it up at age 50.
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Close Call: Floridahas had 119 hurricanes since 1850, but some schmucks insist the last one was caused by climate change.
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Hit the Pause Button: If this is “social media,” what does “anti-social media” look like?
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The U.K. and Denmark are only two countries that do not celebrate their independence day or the day they became a nation.
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Take Five: “Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.”—Igor Stravinsky.
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Wondering: It is not the strong that survive, it is the adaptable.
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Hmmm: How come Asian Americans never seem to need government help?
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Truism: Hell is other people’s music.
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For the Record: 80% of the pretzels in the U.S. are made in Pennsylvania.
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Excuse My Self Indulgence: “One-and-done” cheapens college basketball.
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Huh?: Olympic Sport of ‘downhill skiing”---as opposed to the uphill variety.
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Quiz Answer:Purdue (Drew Brees, Bob Griese and Len Dawson) and Alabama (Joe Namath, Bart Starr and Ken Stabler).
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What’s Wrong With This Picture: If you drive illegally, they take your driver’s license. If you are here illegally, they want to give you one.
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Quote: “What we imagine is order is merely the prevailing form of chaos.”--Kerry Thornley.
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Playing Around: Today’s top toys have more computer power than the Apollo 11 mission to the moon.
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Ad Nauseum: I have seen enough pictures of A-Rod and J.Lo parading around as if they are some new form of American royalty to last two lifetimes.
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Quote: “If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.” – Anon.
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Can You Hear Me Now: The word "phony" comes from "telephone" . . . since early phones had such bad audio quality; it made people's voices sound fake.
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Final Thought: A bargain is something you cannot use at a price you cannot resist.
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Bonus Track: This New Age baseball-managing style that demands the immediate, repetitive fixing of what is not broken leaves me cold and far removed from the game I once cherished.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran. 
And, for everything else you have, thank God.
That is all.
As you were.