Saturday, December 17, 2016

Curmudgeon in the Wry 589

Saturday, December 17, 2016---968 Words---Average Reading Time: 3 Minutes, 33 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Back by the demand of virtually no one.
Once you put it down, it is quite easy not to pick it up again.
Seeking only to enlighten and amuse.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Viewer Indiscretion Is Advised.
+++++++
Rave: Jay Bilas…easily ESPN’s best commentator in any sport.
+++++++      
Reading: “Off the Grid”—Outstanding thriller from C.J. Box.      
+++++++
On the Hi Fi:  “Swing Street” by Deana Martin. Not only is this a terrific album, she dedicates it to the troops, active and retired.
+++++++
Under Rated: Dick Enberg. After decades behind the microphone, he retired at 81. He covered virtually every sport and all the big events.
Like Vin Scully, he was not a screamer or showoff…unfortunately, a vanishing breed. 
+++++++
You Don’t Have To Be A Ph.D.: How many North Carolina freshmen basketball players does it take to change a light bulb? None. That's a sophomore course.
+++++++
But, Who’s Keeping Score: There are more commercials during an NFL game than there are great plays, and it's not even close.
+++++++
Dream On: After visiting the DMV and/or Post office would you vote for increased benefits for them?
+++++++
As Time Goes By: You know the culture has passed you by, when you realize that there's not one hit song you like, and it has been a long time since there was one.
+++++++
Straight Talk: It was Ernie Harwell who said, “On TV you get the movie. The game on the radio is the novel.”
+++++++
Comedy of Errors: In ACC play, Boston College lost to FSU, Virginia Tech, Clemson and Louisville by a combined 202-24. And they’re going to a bowl game!
+++++++
Bottom Line: What do you suppose the royalties are for “We Are the Champions?”
+++++++
Stay Tuned: You will never be completely happy until what you think and what you say are the same.
+++++++
Nobody Asked, But: If you’re not living with a woman or expecting one to show up any time soon are you still expected to put the toilet seat up?
+++++++
Rant: The American flag bunting that for decades rimmed the outsides of nearly all the stands during the World Series was greatly reduced so as not cover the ads sold and placed for TV exposure.
+++++++
Hmmm: Have I sent this message to you before...or did I get it from you?
+++++++
Quote: “ Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.” – Mark Twain.
+++++++
Fielder’s Choice: The Yankees are retiring Derek Jeter’s #2. That makes 21 numbers retired. Shortly the team will have to use Roman Numerals or fractions.
+++++++
Conspicuously Stupid: Voting Bud “Sgt. Schultz” Selig into the Baseball Hall of Fame (on the first ballot, no less) is an insult to the intelligence of fans everywhere. What a crock!
The HOF used to have standards.
It is as if Selig set fire to the building and is now being rewarded for calling the fire department.
+++++++
Warning: The next time someone asks me for a ballpark figure, I’ll ask them if they mean Yankee Stadium or Fenway Park. Even generalities have to be qualified.”
+++++++
Hmmm: Why does free Wi-Fi always seem to be down?
+++++++
But, don’t get me wrong, I love sports: With the passing of Ralph Branca comes this profound quote, “If ‘The Shot Heard ‘Round the World’ happened today, it would occur at about midnight.”—Bill King.
+++++++
Even Worse: ESPN once showed Bobby Thompson’s homer…then identified it as a “walk-off” that won the “1951 NLCS.” Seriously! You could not make that up.
+++++++
Food for Thought: The “send” button is not always your friend.
+++++++
But, don’t get me wrong, I love sports II: I get cranky every time I hear some moronic sports talking head erroneously call an “off week” a “bye week.”
+++++++
You Know You’re Old: If you wondered how they got those “eight big tomatoes in that itty-bitty can.”
+++++++
Pet Peeve: Many too many sports talking heads persist in using jargon when simple English is called for.
+++++++
Overkill: Most play-by-play men and color guys would sound twice as good if they said half as much.
+++++++
Don’t Look Now: Seeing as how left-wing politics doesn’t work very well on radio, I wonder why they think it will work any better on TV.
I'm that guy, KVD
+++++++
Didjaknow: During Tom Brady’s rookie season (2000), the Pats had four quarterbacks. Brady was fourth on the depth chart.
+++++++
Quote: From Tom Brady, when asked who his favorite receiver is, “The open one.”
+++++++
This I Believe: Ted Williams was the greatest hitter ever.
+++++++
For the Record: Hollywood has phased me out.
+++++++
Earth to Kim Kardashian: In the world of reality, staying in a Paris hotel with an estimated $10 million in jewelry with you redefines clueless.
+++++++
Not So Fast: What takes longer; a microwave minute or a treadmill minute?
+++++++
For Crying Out Loud: A few weeks ago, two teams that traditionally wear red to match their nicknames {Stanford Cardinal and Rutgers Scarlet Knights} wore Nike Bad-Boy Black. Karma nailed them. Playing at home, they lost by a combined 120-16. The price of being tragically hip and a slave to fashion.
+++++++
Quote: “I ordered the chicken and egg sandwich at the diner…to see which came first.”—Steven Wright.
+++++++
Final Thought:  When in doubt, order take-out.
+++++++
If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
And, for everything else you have, thank God.
That is all.
As you were





No comments: