Sunday, April 17, 2016

Curmudgeon in the Wry 583

Sunday, April 17, 2016---762 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 43 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Back by the demand of virtually no one.
Once you put it down, it is quite easy not to pick it up again.
Seeking only to enlighten and amuse.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Viewer Indiscretion Is Advised.
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Rave: Gene Vincent.
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Reading: “Invisible City” by Julia Dahl.
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On the Hi Fi: “Whatcha Know Joe?” by The Pied Pipers.
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Under Rated: Charlie Gracie.
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Quote: “The inhabitants of the marketing industry are astoundingly out of touch with anyone not like them.
As I have said many times: Our industry's obsession with millennials is nothing but narcissism disguised as strategy. It is marketing by selfie-stick.”-- Bob Hoffman, The Ad Contrarian
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Count ‘em: Kobe Bryant has won exactly one regular season MVP in his NBA career…if you’re scoring at home, or on the road.
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Seems Silly to Me: Nutritional value printed on bags of potato chips.
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Imagine That: Tampa is just about the last place I would expect the NCAA to host an event called The Frozen Four.
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Hmmm: Is it “feed a cold, starve a fever” or vice versa?
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While Absolutely No One Was Watching: For the first time since 1970 not one Canadian team reached the NHL postseason.
Sidebar---Canadians make up 49.3% of NHL rosters.
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History 101: World War II was the last federal government program that really worked.
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Fielder’s Choice: Only two MLB players have achieved the distinction of winning both the Rookie of the Year and MVP honors in the same year---Fred Lynn (1975) and Ichiro Suzuki.
Lynn is also the only MLB player to hit a grand slam during an All Star Game.
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Instant Analysis: Resisting temptation is never ending.
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Quick Hit: Baseball in the cold is its own little form of Hell. For both fans and players.
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Official Project Stages: (1) Uncritical Acceptance. (2) Wild Enthusiasm. (3) Dejected Disillusionment. (4) Total Confusion. (5) Search for the Guilty. (6) Punishment of the Innocent. (7) Promotion of the Non-participants.
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Food for Thought: It is my opinion that the only person who thought Yoko could sing was John Lennon.
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Rave: Calvin Johnson, receiver for the Detroit Lions retired without even calling a press conference. Quite rare and most welcome in today’s world of sports.
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Go Figure: A critic is someone who knows the way, but cannot drive a car.
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Overkill: The Kobe Bryant farewell in L.A., where excess was invented. BFD: It took him 50 shots to score 60 points. Just imagine how many points Stephen Curry would have tallied on 50 shots.
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Quote: “Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”—Albert Camus.
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Ad Nauseum: ARod will turn 41 in July…should you wish to send him a card.
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On the Plus Side: Ted Williams still leads the Red Sox in career home runs.
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Look Both Ways: In today’s world of computer magic, the most dangerous word has become “send.”
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Rave: The NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament remains the greatest show in sports.
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Too Much: Okay---NCAA Championship Game: CBS/TBS has eight analysts on halftime show, three calling the game and one courtside. That’s 12 by my math (and I often have trouble carrying the one). That’s way over the top.
To start, Jim Nantz is a waste of time…Bill Raftery and Grant Hill are far more savvy about the game than Nantz will ever be. Courtside/sideline reports are an embarrassment, no matter the sport.
Three in the booth is many too many. If you doubt that, listen to Vin Scully call a Dodger game solo. That’s entertainment.
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Nantzism: “Arial coverage brought to you by DirecTV.” Arial coverage from above an indoor stadium…whiskey-tango-foxtrot.
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For the Record: Remember when nobody ever thought of infrastructure?
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In Case Anyone Even Cares: It has been eight years since Tiger Woods won a major.
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Write On: Of the 17,000 words written by Shakespeare, 10% were originals…including barefaced, frugal, dwindle and summit.
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Final Thought: Why on earth does anyone care what a celebrity thinks about politics?
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
And, for everything else you have, thank God.
That is all.
As you were


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