Saturday, December 19, 2015

Curmudgeon in the Wry 579

Saturday, December 19, 2015---861 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minute, 56 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Once you put it down, it is quite easy not to pick it up again.
Viewer Discretion Advised.
Seeking only to enlighten and amuse.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Completely biased.
Don’t forget to floss.
Low carb.
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Rave: Colonel Ralph Peters.
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Reading: “The Devil’s Share” by Wallace Stroby. Outstanding!
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On the Hi Fi: Lee Wiley’s “As Time Goes By”
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Under Rated: Dinah Shore.
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Ready Or Not: The college football bowl games are diluted, expanded and a total farce. 80 of 128 teams will be participating---really. Is this the product of every kid getting a trophy?
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Inflationary Spiral: The Red Sox are paying David Price 217 million bucks for seven years…imagine what Ted Williams would get today.
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For the Record: To watch anything on ESPN, you have to put up with ESPN…that is both a chore and a pity. Don’t believe what you see…believe what you are told. They fill otherwise perfectly good dead air with truly worthless, often contradictory stuffed word-cabbage.
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More ESPN: Stephen A. Smith is an all-purpose ten-watt lighthouse.
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Truism: Prison is the only place on Earth where health care, education, food, clothing, housing and utilities are free.
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Go Figure: Interchangeable parts won’t.
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And the Band Played On: The Republican Party has many too many number three starters.
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Overkill: Whenever I happen to glance upon an ESPN highlight (lowlight in my opinion) of a football player performing a wild-about-me routine, it reinforces my wise decision to never watch football---either pro or college.
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Food For Thought: Remember when milk and bread were delivered to your home…but pizza wasn’t.
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Rimshot: What makes cheese so confidential that we need cheese shredders?
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Inquiring Minds want To Know: How do all those “student athletes” afford all those hair extensions and tattoos?
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Fast Break: Medieval magicians believed that a few celery seeds in the shoes would enable the wearer to fly. Don’t bother trying…it doesn’t work.
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Setting The Bar: All good management is the expression of one great idea.
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Random Thought: There is no such thing as a short sleeve dress shirt.
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Hmmm: Why is it that each and every newly hired football coach is “the perfect fit for the program?”
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Rant: Won-lost records for NFL starting quarterbacks…a truly ridiculous statistic.
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Stay Tuned: Bill Walton can be both the best and worst college basketball courtside commentator…often at the same time.
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Headliner: For my dough, Novak Djokovic is the Best Athlete of 2015. Stephen Curry, the best American Athlete of 2015.
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Rumor: Kit Carson has a better chance of being elected president in 2016 than Ben Carson.
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Idle Thought: You’ll learn something new every day…unless you are very, very careful.
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Business 101: Either do it better, faster or longer than the other guy, and you will always make out all right.
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Your Move: The higher one is in the hierarchy, the more befuddled one becomes when attempting to operate the copy machine.
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Quote: “Over the course of a lifetime, more than 60% of Americans are in households within the top ten percent of household incomes at one point or another. Politicians that want us to resent ‘the top ten percent’ are encouraging most of us to resent ourselves.”---Renowned Economist Thomas Sowell.
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Watered Down: With over 80 teams needed to fill out all the mediocre bowl games, a number of 5-7 teams will be on display for all to see. I guess bowl games are the NCAA’s equivalence of participation trophies.
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Pop Quiz: Are you willing to die for politically correct reasons?
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Hmmm: Do you know anybody who thinks that they are overpaid?
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True or False: Stupidity is intelligence cleverly disguised. Maybe it’s the other way around.
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Business 101: A good product will produce more dough than good selling.
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Corollary: A salesman is only as good as his product.
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Go Figure: Seven of the 12 players on the University of New Hampshire men’s basketball team are from Texas.
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Write On: Is it the song, or is it the singer? Here’s a clue. The songwriters always get paid.
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All In The Family: Amanda Belichick is the women’s lacrosse coach at Holy Cross.
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Quote: “Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.”—Anon.
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Just Business: When Walt Disney found someone who could draw Mickey Mouse better than he, he fired himself.
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Ever Notice: In chewing gum commercials, no one is ever seen chewing gum.
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Final Thought: Adele is a rarity in today’s pop music world…in that she can actually, like, you know sing.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
And, for everything else you have, thank God.
That is all.
As you were


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