Saturday, October 03, 2015

Curmudgeon in the Wry 577

Saturday, October 03, 2015---858 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 55 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Once you put it down, it is quite easy not to pick it up again.
Viewer Discretion Advised.
Seeking only to enlighten and amuse.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Completely biased.
Don’t forget to floss.
Low carb.
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Rave: The new Elvis stamp.
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Reading: “Redemption Street” by Reed Farrel Coleman.
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On the Hi Fi: “Stan Getz with Cal Tjader.”
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Under rated: Charlie Spivak and His Orchestra.
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Quote: “There are two types of people in this world. People who think the government is looking out for their best interest, and people who think.”—Nathan Fraser.
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Guilt-free Guilty Pleasure: No matter how many times I watch “The Asphalt Jungle,” it never gets old. I spot something new each time.
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TV Timeout: “Blue Bloods” continues to be exceptional television. It always reminds us of the importance of family.
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Dollars and Sense: Michael Greller (Jordan Spleth’s caddy) is calculated to have made in excess of $2 million this season…that would place him at #39 on the PGA Tour.
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Ad Nauseum: Have you gotten your fill of the Fantasy Football League ads that promise “a shot at $1 million?” They are nothing more than elaborate gambling networks. Be prepared to be pummeled with so many more TV spots, that you will forgive all those Cialis ads.
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Meanwhile, Back on Planet earth: For those who are poor at math, in those “fantasy leagues” being heavily promoted, the money you will lose is real.
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Humor Me: When officials and umpires interrupt the action on the field for a replay, why do they announce that the play is “under further review?” It cannot be under “further” review until there is more than one review.
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Hmmm: Ever notice that the people who whine about the economy the most are the ones whose lifestyle is affected the least by it.
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Excellence: In seven of the past eleven seasons, the St. Louis Cardinals have won at least 90 games.
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Good Call: Thank you to the Wall Street Journal for adding a daily crossword puzzle…one that is a challenge, but possible to complete.
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Rave: The Xerox TV spot featuring Harry Nilsson singing “Everybody’s Talkin’.”
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Easy Peazy: Roger Federer remains at the top of his game when it comes to putting the fun in tennis.
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TV Timeout II: Once again, “The Blacklist” has a spectacular debut episode. Red and Liz on the run will make an intriguing season.
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Rant: I thought the Rob Lowe TV spots for Direct TV were a new low…but the campaign just gets worse as they use different celebs and athletes. It’s simply insulting.
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If You’re Scoring At Home: NFL extra-point attempts this season are 10 yards farther out. The extra point used to be the dullest play in football. Now it’s the dullest play in football, only longer.
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True or False: It takes forever for parts that are on order to come in.
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Department of Redundancy Department: Front windshield, commuting back and forth, grand-slam home run, two-way dialog, return back, free gift, cash money, same exact.
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Bad Medicine: Government programs never go away…they only change their titles.
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We Have a Winner: Washington State football, in the last five years, is the national leader in arrests, with 31.
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Quote: From the renowned economist Thomas Sowell, “The endlessly repeated argument that most Americans are the descendants of immigrants ignores the fact that most Americans are not the descendants of illegal immigrants.”
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Food for Thought: Did you ever wonder who wore those bowling shoes before you?
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Try This at Home: Attempt to solve the crossword puzzle using only the down clues.
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Just asking: When was the last time you used your Salad Shooter?
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Reality Check: Seems to me that Megyn Kelly should devote more time to choosing her guests than selecting her wardrobe.
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Truism: There are no rain checks for missed opportunities.
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Lights Out: When mankind entered the Dark Ages, did anyone say, “Hey, who turned out the lights?”
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Idle Thought: The cheaper the thrill, the more expensive the regret.
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Wondering: Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
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True or false: There is no such thing as a single call to a federal government agency.
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Go figure: The closest to perfection a person comes is when filling out a job application.
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Truism: The later you are, the heavier the traffic conspiracy.
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John Henry’s Rule: It’s a lot more fun to sing about hard work than to perform hard work.
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Final Thought: 4 is the only number in the universe that matches the number of letters in its own word in English: four.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
And, for everything else you have, thank God.
That is all.
As you were


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