Sunday, October 13, 2013

Curmudgeon in the Wry 553

Sunday, October 13, 2013---694 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 33 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)

Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Completely biased.
Don’t forget to floss.
Low carb.
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Rave: Richard Carlson
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Reading: The most excellent “State vs. Lassiter” by Paul Levine. 
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On the Hi Fi: “The Black Velvet Band” by Illinois Jacquet
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Under rated: Elisha Cook Jr
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Book BIZ: Having never read anything by Tom Clancy, I asked my Bookie pals for a recommendation after his passing.
Raconteur and Renaissance Man, Joe O’Donnell posited “Rainbow Six.”
It clocks in at over 900 pages…at my age, that seems like a lifetime commitment.  
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TV Time Out: “White Collar” {9 PM} and “Covert Affairs” [10 PM] return to USA Network Thursday {10/17}.
“Major Crimes” returns to TNT at 9 PM on November 25th
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Thought For The Day: Expect a swift cancellation for “Ironside.” Getting all politically correct and making him black was just silly. Additionally, Raymond Burr completely defined that role.
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Didjaknow: ABC axed “Lucky 7” after two episodes. Me neither. I never even knew it was on the air.
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True or False: Guys insult one another all the time…but don’t mean it. Women complement each other all the time, but don’t mean it.
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Truism: Being needy is not the same as being deserving.
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TV Time Out II: “Blue Bloods” continues to excel. Friday’s show had many an unexpected twist. Many great moments throughout the episode. It is wonderful to see a show where taking personal responsibility for the consequences on your actions is celebrated.
Plus, any show whose lead character has this quote is AOK with me…”Balls is knowing the cost and going ahead anyway.”
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Hmmm: Why do soft breads get hard when they go stale and hard crackers get softer when they get stale?
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Wise men say: Seek counsel from elderly surgeons. You figure to get honest advice from a guy who is too old to be paying for his kids’ orthodontia and college tuition.
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Didjaknow: The Houston/Galveston area is larger than Connecticut
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Guess Work: Rotating bald tires is a huge activity that changes nothing.
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Pop Quiz: What is the USA’s southernmost state?
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Numbers Game: Just 22% of Americans over 18 exercise enough to earn any health benefits.
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Truism: No one was ever sorry they got it in writing.
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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere must be happy.
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Rim Shot: Keep your bagels safe...put locks on them.
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Pop Quiz Answer: Hawaii.
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True or False II: It is a lot more difficult to find somebody you would like to wake up with, than it is to find someone you would like to sleep with.
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Truism: It takes mega-talent to be able to see and describe the not so obvious.
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According to the US Patent Office: Muslims have never been granted a patent. That means they probably never invented anything. That’s a good way to continue living in the past.
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Hmmm: Where do all the missing pens go?
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True or False: Mistakes are the fountain of knowledge.
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Truism: To men, gourmet cooking is microwaving something that comes in two bags.
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Management 101: In its simplest terms…the prime function of a leader is to keep hope alive.
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True or False: Given the choice, men would rather see a woman they know nude, that an angel from Victoria’s Secret whom they don’t know. True say I.
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Final Thought: None of the four teams I was cheering for in the Divisional Series are still playing.
As a fan of the Rays, it was most distressing to watch them give away game four…and I wanted Brad Pitt’s team to clean Detroit’s clock.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

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