Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Curmudgeon in the Wry 546


Tuesday, July 16, 2013---826 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 36 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Chock full of extraneous intensifiers.
If you don’t have more questions than answers, you are not really living.
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Providing snap judgments and overreactions.
Filled with random nonsense.
Completely biased.
Don’t forget to floss.
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Rave: Margie Rayburn---“I’m Available”---Peaked #9 in 1957. 
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Reading: “Bad Monkey” by Carl Hiaasen.
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On the Hi Fi: “On the Other Side” by The Tierney Sutton Band.
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Under rated: Regis Toomey
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Rave: Tonight “Covert Affairs” (9 PM) and “Suits” (10 PM) return on the USA Network tonight. Does not get any better than that. Love Annie Walker and Rachel Zane. For the record, Denise Roberts is the Annie Walker of country record promotion.
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You Know You’re Old: If you keep people's names, phone numbers, and addresses in a Rolodex
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Rave: Sunday night TCM showed “The Magnificent Seven.” In part or in whole, I have seen TM7 over 200 times. It remains my favorite movie. It’s in my western Top-5 along with “Rio Bravo,” “Vera Cruz,” “Bite the Bullet,” “The Professionals” and “The Cowboys.” Sorry---couldn’t hold it to five.
Elmer Bernstein’s musical score is still my movie soundtrack---just ahead of “The Guns of Navarone.”
What are your favorite westerns?
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Truism: There is nothing wrong with entertainment, just entertainment that insults your intelligence.
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Miami: A place where 1,000 different nationalities get together and give each other the finger on I-95.
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Hmmm: Soft breads get hard when they go stale, while hard crackers get softer when they go stale.
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You Know You're From Florida: If you know people with front yards paved over, so they don’t have to mow them.
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Rave: Many people remember Elvis. I never forgot him. Still enjoy watching “King Creole” every time it’s on.
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TV Time Out: ESPN viewership is down 32% from this time a year ago.
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Truism: If voting could change anything, it would be illegal.
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Rant: It might surprise you to discover that I know exactly what stage it is at the Tour de France. It's the stage where I stop caring altogether.
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Bumper sticker of the week: If you love NY, take I-95 north.
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Hmmm: When you are not sure of anything, anything is possible.
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It’s a fact: While obama tosses a baseball like a little girl, he’s world class at throwing people under the bus.
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Business 101: Message importance varies directly with the ignorance of the colleague in charge of your telephone.
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Truism: Hard work never hurt anyone---but then neither did a whole lot of good rest.
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You Know You’re Old: If you still pay bills using checks.
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Quote: Pursuing knowledge for the sake of knowledge is not a political concept or politicians would know a lot more.”—P.J. O’Rourke.
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You Know You're From Florida: If you laugh at the people who think Daytona Beach is what Florida is really all about, and avoid it as much as possible.
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Truism: Most people hear what we say, but pay more attention to what we do.
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Didjaknow: After a conservative group calling itself Media Trackers tried without success for 15 months to achieve tax-free status from Internal Revenue, they changed their name to Greenhouse Solutions and were approved in three weeks.
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You Know You’re Old: If you prefer your movies in 2D.
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Hmmm: There is always a market for things nobody needs.
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You Know You're From Florida: When you think it's weird seeing a Publix in another state.
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Rant: I gave up on USA Network’s “Graceland” after two episodes.
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Truism: Sometimes a pleasant surprise would be even more pleasant if it were not so much of a surprise.
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Rant: When it comes to choosing leaders, can New York really find no one better than Weiner and Spitzer? It’s a representative government, after all. Why can’t New Yorkers find someone who represents them at their best?
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You Know You're From Florida: If you slow down by a turn lane, knowing that someone will mistakenly get in it and curve back over.
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Didjaknow: No antelopes play on any range in North America.
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You Know You’re Old: If your camera requires film.
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Final Thought: For more than six decades, it seems like it’s a law of American politics; the less important an issue is to the American public, the more serious the American political system is about. The more important an issue is to Americans, the sillier the political system gets. 
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

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