Sunday, July 07, 2013

Curmudgeon In The Wry 546


Sunday, July 07, 2013---926 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 16 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Chock full of extraneous intensifiers.
If you don’t have more questions than answers, you are not really living.
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Providing snap judgments and overreactions.
Filled with random nonsense.
Completely biased.
Don’t forget to floss.
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Rave: Jane Greer
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On the Hi Fi: “Love Is Gonna Getcha” by Patti Austin.
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Under rated: Harry Guardino.
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Truism: Just because you haven’t heard about it yet, doesn’t mean it did not happen.
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Hmmm: Ever notice that the fewer the customers in a restaurant, the slower the service?
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Rave: The Patriots offered to exchange Aaron Hernandez souvenir jerseys for any other player’s shirt…classy move.
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Didjaknow: The All England Club starts the Wimbledon Tournament with 54,000 tennis balls. Balls are changed every nine games. Used balls are sold as souvenirs for about $4.50 a can. Nearly 80% of the balls never make it back for the fans---the mysteriously disappear; usually to players who hoard them after practice rounds.
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Rave: I think all the announcers ESPN is using for Wimbledon are outstanding…but Chris Evert and John McEnroe are simply spectacular.
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Rave: there is no more cozy or attractive major sports venue in the world than Centre Court at the All England Club.
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Rave: Two wonderful new champions in Marion Bartoli and Andy Murray…super to see fresh faces at the trophy presentation. Sabine Lisicki and Novak Djokovic were extremely gracious in defeat. A most civilized event. It was two weeks of outstanding tennis.
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Rave: Marion Bartoli did not lose a single set in winning her seven matches. Wimbledon was her first win in a Major in 47 attempts.
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Hmmm: Why are they called stands when you sit in them?
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You Know You're From Florida: If you thought attics and basements existed only in the movies.
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Hmmm: I doubt that even the NSA knew that Brad Stevens was leaving Butler for the Celtics.
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Dog days: In the movies, Lassie was never a female. A series of male dog played the part, in drag so to speak.
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Truism: Radio needs to figure out how to get people to want to check back in like Facebook does.
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Over Rated: Why all the wailing and gnashing of teeth in LA over the exodus of Dwight Howard from the Lakers? You can count the number of championships Howard has won on zero hands.
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You Know You’re Old: When waitresses call you “dear.”
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Dollars and noncents: The Oakland Raiders are paying $49.6 million to players not on their roster.
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Even more noncents: Bobby Bonilla rakes in $1.2 million per annum from the Mets through 2035.
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Old school: So far they have discovered there are seven different intellectual gifts. Everyone has one or more of these gifts…. unfortunately readin’, writin’ and ‘rithmetic are the only three the SATs are based on.
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You Know You're From Florida: If you have always known what a tangerine is.
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Truism: I understand it’s not good to seek revenge, but every once in a while you have to do it because it feels so good.
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What’s wrong with this picture: If you cross the North Korean border illegally----you are sentenced to 12 years of hard labor. You are shot if you sneak across the Afghan border. On the other hand, if you enter the USA illegally, the liberals will shower you with food stamps, driver’s license, housing, health care and education.
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Hmmm: I have always wondered why radio folks think that the same old tunes played in a different order is a new format.
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You Know You’re Old: If you remember when you needed directions to get somewhere. Extra credit for reading road maps. Even more credit if you can refold the maps neatly.
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Didjaknow: If Barbie were full size, her bra size would be 39D.
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When men were men: July 2nd marked the 50th anniversary of the 16 inning Giants/Braves game…won 1-0 by the Giants. Both starting pitchers went the distance…Juan Marichal and 42 year-old Warren Spahn. Baseball was a far better game in those days…on every level.
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Truism: If you wish to get noticed, get in the blame lane---way too many people in the credit lane.
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You Know You're From Florida: If you had debates over whether or not Miami is really, truly Florida.
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Hmmm: Is it the singer or is it the song?
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Just wondering: When obama mentions the hard working Americans, he’s not talking about government workers is he?
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Truism: If Federal employees had to depend on tips to make a living, they would starve to death.
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You Know You're From Florida: If you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
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Quote: Why has evil been such a hard concept for the left to accept? The basic agenda of the left is to change external conditions. But what if the problem is internal? What if the real problem is the cussedness of human beings?”—World Renowned Economist Thomas Sowell.
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Final Thought: A good woman has no past.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

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