Saturday, May 11, 2013

Curmudgeon in the Wry 542


Saturday, May 11, 2013---669 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 29 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Chock full of extraneous intensifiers.
If you don’t have more questions than answers, you are not really living.
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Providing snap judgments and overreactions.
Don’t forget to floss.
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Rave: “Double Indemnity.” Can you honestly think of a modern movie that has the wit, soul and suspense of this classic?
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On the Hi Fi: Dave Brubeck’s “Time Out.”
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Under rated: Zachary Scott.
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Truism: The world you live in may only be a figment of your imagination.
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Quote: “Embracing the convenient at the expense of the effective is where the failure happens.”—Seth Godin.
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Hmmm: It’s not so much who you know---it’s who knows you.
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Rave: Really love this Google Doodle. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MK09vd_YG0
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Rant: When was the last time the airlines actually meant it when they said, “We’re sorry for the inconvenience?”
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Didjaknow: Hawaii is the USA’s southernmost state.
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Truism: When you hang around folks better than you, a strange thing happens…you get better as well.
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Numbers Game: At Wimbledon this year, first-round losers will take home $35,800. It's worth mentioning because Bjorn Borg took home $30,500 after winning the 1980 Wimbledon title.
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Rimshot: The shortest distance between two jokes……………………….a straight line.
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Truism: If most Federal Government workers depended on tips for a living, they would starve to death.
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Remember when: During the Bush years of the Iraq War, Garry Trudeau would dedicate entire Sunday strips of Doonesbury to listing the names of the fallen warriors. Evidently when soldiers die under obama, it doesn’t warrant attention. And, the left is telling you the media is not biased.
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Hmmm: Can you remember calling a company when it wasn’t experiencing heavy volume?
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Think about it: Most Yes Men don’t ever have the power to say yes.
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Quote: “Why should I care what a group calling themselves minorities want? I only care about deserving individuals, not groups.”—George Johns.
To that, I say Bravo! Wish that I had come up with the quote on my own.
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Truism: Everyone is self-motivated…you just have to find out what they like to do and let them do it.
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Rave: I truly admire people who can gift-wrap.
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Rant: Is there some kind of rule that says when a web site is redesigned it is always more difficult to read than before?
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Hmmm: How come they don't spell gullible correctly in the dictionary?
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Didjaknow: The 1957 Edsel was the first car designed using market research.
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Try this at home: Challenge yourself, try to solve the crossword puzzle using only the down clues.
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Quote: H.L. Mencken, the cynical sage of Baltimore, wrote, nearly a century ago, “As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”—That day is now.
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Rant: Never believe that you will be able to figure out a hotel clock radio.
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Rimshot: I attempted to catch some fog---but I mist.
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Hmmm: Whatever happened to all those periscopes we used to see at golf tournaments?
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Sand in my shoes: Nobody ever moved to Florida to work harder.
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One Final Thought: Hugh O’Brien (“The Life and Legend of Wyatt Earp’’) was 81 years old when he first married.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

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