Saturday, March 16, 2013

Curmudgeon in the Wry 540


Saturday, March 16, 2013---842 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 41 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Being wrong is the risk you run by thinking and acting.
A Grumpy Old Man Production.         
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Why waste your time anywhere else.
Providing snap judgments and overreactions.
Don’t forget to floss.
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Rave: Eve Arden.
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On the Hi Fi: Bud Powell’s “Swingin’ with Bud.”
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Under rated: George Brent.
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Truism: Listening to good advice requires a lot more wisdom than giving it.
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Rave: Spell check.
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Hmmm: Whoever predicted the next Pope would be Catholic turned out to be right.
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Didjaknow: After petroleum, coffee is the second most traded product in the world.
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Truism: There are only two tempos to music---up or not.
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Stupid is as stupid does: Democrat Representative Maxine Waters told a press conference "over 170 million jobs will be lost". There are 134 million people currently working in America. Anyone who takes this woman seriously ought to have his or her head examined. And remember, being good at stupid doesn’t count.
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Rant: Whenever I do not have a particular rooting interest in a college basketball game, I cheer for the team with the fewest tattoos.
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Truism: When you have a “Yes” leave the room because the only thing that can happen next is for “No” to show up.
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Hmmm: Why Do Filthy Insects Spend So Much Time Grooming?
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Full disclosure: Dining trends that make no sense to me: food trucks and cupcakes.
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Quote: "I'll do many things for my profession and my country, but I will not take Jay Carney seriously."—George Will, Washington Post.
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Truism: We are what we remember.
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Didjaknow: Only two countries in the world allow a private businessman to pay a bond to secure a prisoner’s release---the USA and the Philippines.
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You Know You’re Old: If you remember grapes with seeds.
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Quote: “Charlie Rangel reminds me of Cesar Romero if he were completely, utterly and totally full of shit.”—Dennis Miller.
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Rant: Great-looking young women asking pointless questions of inarticulate athletes after the game is over.
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Truism: It's a hell of a lot easier to figure out what you did wrong rather than what you did right.
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Irony Alert: Clark Kent with an iPhone.
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Bumper Sticker of the Week: "Don't Bro Me If You Don't Know Me" 
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Department of Redundancy Department: And also, same exact, VIN number, brief summary, basic fundamentals, exact same.
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Rant: Remember when only sailors, carnies and dockworkers had tattoos.
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Hmmm: Why have I not heard anyone on either side of the issue, mention how many lives are saved by guns?
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Truism: It’s better to have a plan, than not have a plan; but at the same time, no plan survives contact with reality.
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You Know You’re Old: If you remember when Charles Chips came in a big can, and were delivered to your home.
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Rant: Do you think the reason so many judges’ views of criminals seem the opposite of policemen’s view is that judges see the criminals on their best behavior…police see them as they are in their natural environment?
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Truism: The real truth is probably much easier to handle than whatever it is you imagine it to be.
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Rave: ESPN3.
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Rant: Did Lance Armstrong use the same writers as Tiger Woods for his apology and I wonder who the person was that told them both they needn’t bother with sincerity?
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Quote: “But nothing is easier than to disarm peaceful, law-abiding people. And nothing is harder than to disarm people who are neither — especially in a country with hundreds of millions of guns already out there that are not going to rust away for centuries.”---Thomas Sowell.
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Rant: One liberal talking point for Hagel as Secretary of Defense is that he is a wounded combat vet. Benedict Arnold was a wounded combat vet.
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Riddle me this: When someone dies, why does most of what he saved over a lifetime get turned over to politicians, rather than the heirs?
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Truism: Ambiguity succeeds where honesty dares not venture.
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You Know You’re Old: If you remember Duz and Lux.
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Rant: Is it just me, or are the Progressive Insurance TV spots getting increasingly more annoying? Same for Five-Hour Energy.
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Quote: “Florida is the kind of a place where you’ll never suffer from an irony deficiency.”—Craig Pittman.
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Truism: At seventeen, hangovers last only about ten minutes.
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One Final Thought: Very few men could pull off a pith helmet…Clark Gable is the head of that class.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

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