Saturday, December 22, 2012

Curmudgeon in the Wry 539


Saturday, December 22, 2012---950 Words---Average Reading Time: 3 Minutes, 5 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Being wrong is the risk you run by thinking and acting.
A Grumpy Old Man Production.         
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Why waste your time anywhere else.
Providing snap judgments and overreactions.
Don’t forget to floss.
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Under rated: Kay Starr.
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Rave: Without question and without exception, I will watch any film with Ida Lupino in it. No actress was more noir than she was. Not just a talented actress and a “hot number” as the cops in “The Hard Way” referred to her…she was among the first females to produce and direct in Hollywood.
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Rant: Speaking of welfare, I don't think anyone on welfare should make more than the lowest paid American worker. The reason is obvious.
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Quote: “Imagine ‘The Hobbit’ taking in that much money at the box office with absolutely no one in attendance having a date.”—Dennis Miller.
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Rant: Speaking of terminally long movies like “The Hobbit,” why does Hollywood think more is better? "Les Miserables" (157 minutes), "Django Unchained" (165 minutes), “Skyfall” (143 minutes) and "Zero Dark Thirty" (157 minutes)…give me a break. Not that I go to the movies any more.
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Hmmm: Is there anything more dangerous than the earnestly well-intentioned?
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Rant: “Ironically, Dimocrats, the fiercely pro choice party, reserve free choice for aborting a fetus, while denying it for such matters as choosing your child’s school or joining a union.”—Charles Krauthammer.
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Quote: “Show me a man or woman who cannot stand mysteries and I will show you a fool, a clever fool perhaps, but a fool all the same.”---Raymond Chandler.
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Truism: Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
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Rant: Alternate possession instead of jump balls.
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Truism: It is difficult to read an Elmore Leonard novel and not realize that we are all having fun…reader and writer alike.
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Quoting Ben Stein: “He (obama) can tell the most whopping lies, see them exposed as lies, and then blithely go forward to make the nation believe that he didn’t do anything wrong and that’s all someone else’s fault.”
“The man is amazing. I wonder---if he cannot feel shame and embarrassment over his lies and failures---what he can feel. That thought scares me. It’s discouraging.”
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Rave: Mia Rizzo is becoming my favorite character on “Vegas.” “Vegas” is my favorite new network show. It's the Vegas I visited in 1967 and 1968.
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TV Timeout: Speaking of favorite TV shows, I officially hate Oliva Riley on “Burn Notice.” Easily the most despicable adversary for Michael Westen created by Matt Nix in six seasons.
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More Burn: What do you suppose Michael traded for everyone’s freedom?
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Rimshot: If not for Venetian blinds, it would be curtains for us all.
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Truism: No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Quote: "In major-college basketball, nine out of 10 schools break the rules. The other one is in last place."-- Jerry Tarkanian
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Rave: Things not worth economizing on: toilet paper, Kleenex, fresh fruit and chocolate.
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Rant: Don’t know which I dislike more: looking my age or feeling my age.
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Factoid: An acronym is an acronym only when you can pronounce it as a word, such as OPEC, scuba, NATO. If it does not form a word, and is read as letters, it is not an acronym, rather it is a pronounced abbreviation: YMCA, NFL, PMSNBC.
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Truism: Forward this newsy letter to five of your friends, and in 24 hours, nothing will happen.
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Rule one: Never wear a white shirt to an Italian restaurant.
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Useless factoid: There are 18 different animal shapes in the Animal Crackers cookie zoo!
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Quote: "I'm learning more and more about less and less. Pretty soon, I'll know everything about nothing." So says Spenser about midway through “School Days” by Roberts B. Parker.
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Hmmm: Why do the bartenders in westerns never give change?
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Rave: Elizabeth Taylor was never more beautiful than she was as Rebecca in 1952’s “Ivanhoe.”
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Quote: “A bore is a person who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.”---John D. MacDonald in The Turquoise Lament.”
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Truism: As long as there are exams, there will be prayer in public schools.
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Rant: Those sideline reporters who stick a microphone in the face of a coach with a question that has no answer.
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Idle thought: In case you were wondering, no, I am not particularly interested in how your Fantasy League team is doing.
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Truism: The farther you go, the more likely it is you left the coffee maker on.
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Hmmm: Whatever happened to all those Rubik’s Cubes?
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Rant: Jamie Foxx should consider visiting the Wizard of Oz and asking for a brain.
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Factoid: Since 1920, when Agatha Christie published “The Mysterious Affairs at Styles”, two billion of her books have been sold, a number surpassed only by the Bible and Shakespeare's plays.
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Rant: Finding a grocery store clerk who knows how to pack a paper bag correctly is a real challenge these days…it is another dying art.
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Truism: People will collect anything.
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One Final Thought: Jayne Mansfield had a 160 IQ and played the violin.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

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