Friday, December 14, 2012

Curmudgeon in the Wry 538


Friday, December 14, 2012---731 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 18 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Continuing to call them as I see them.
Virtually free of original ideas. 
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Being wrong is the risk you run by thinking and acting.
A Grumpy Old Man Production.         
If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!
Gluten Free.
Why waste your time anywhere else.
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Rave: “The Durango Kid.” 
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Reading: “Force of Nature” by C. J. Box---Perhaps the most under rated mystery/thriller writer extant.
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On the Hi Fi: Blue Note Blend 2---A Starbucks Collection.
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Under rated: Marcie Blane
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Rave: “Suits” returns on USA Network on January 17th at 10PM.
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Hmmm: Ever notice how many words with two consecutive vowels, especially those with a pairing of e and i, look odd no matter what order the vowels appear.
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Pop quiz: Quick…name the only state whose first two letters are vowels.
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Rave: Pfeffernusse.
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Rant: No team with a 6-7 record should get to a bowl unless it is as a spectator.
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Truism: Aristotle taught “All men by nature desire to know.” The mainstream media’s radio silence on Benghazi proves him wrong
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Rim Shot: Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
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Quote: "I find ‘Season's Greetings’ so insipid. It is barely one step up from ‘Dear Sir,’ isn't it? Have you ever in your life heard anyone say ‘Season's Greetings?’ I didn't think so. If you don't say something, please don't write it on a card." ---Frank Deford
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Rave: I truly admire people who can use chopsticks.
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Didjaknow: A $100 bill at the end of the 20th century would buy less than a $20 bill would buy in 1960.
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Hmmm: If everyone had a smart phone, who would be left to honk when the light turned green?
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Rant: In plain English, “quantitative easing,” means just printing more money.
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Never forget: It is your credibility on the line when you give a recommendation.
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Free advice: When the alternative is "now" or "never"---always choose "never."
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Hmmm: Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
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Rave: No matter how great the vocalist, they all sounded better with the Basie Band behind them.
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Just asking: Why do airlines call flights nonstop? Won't they all stop eventually?
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Quote: "A centipede is an ant made to government specs." ---Anon.
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More free advice: You need to ask the right questions to get the right answers.
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Hmmm: If there was a crumb on the table and you cut it in half, would you have two crumbs or two halves of a crumb?
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Quote: "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."---Sherlock Holmes.
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Oh so true: No software you ever bought did anything with "just a click."
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Quiz answer: Iowa.
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Rant: At Wal-Mart, I wonder what the other 15 checkout lanes are used for.
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Way Over Rated: Bryant Gumbel.
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Rant: College football’s Bowl Championship Series is neither a series, nor a championship.
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Hmmm: Do stairs go up or down?
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Rant: Always be skeptical of people who say, "frankly," "candidly" or "to be honest." They are probably are none of those things.
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Rimshot: A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
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Quote: "When in doubt, have two men enter a room with guns." ---Raymond Chandler.
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Rant: It is never permissible to dog-ear the page of a book.
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Hmmm: Most doctors did not graduate near the head of their class.
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Irony: Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

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