Friday, January 13, 2012

Curmudgeon in the Wry 519

Friday, January 13, 2012---683 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 28 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)

Often wrong…never in doubt.

Never lost, just hard to find.

Continuing to call them as I see them.

Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.

Virtually free of original ideas.

Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.

Being wrong is the risk you run by thinking and acting.

A Grumpy Old Man Production.

If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!

Gluten Free.

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Rave: Rosemary Clooney.

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Reading: “Fire In the Hole” by Elmore Leonard.

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On the Hi Fi: “Jazz Pizzazz II.”

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Under rated: John Forsythe.

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I miss: Mickey Vernon, Jimmy Stewart, Dinah Washington.

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Rant: I’d like to see a college All-American team composed of athletes who understand verb-subject agreement.

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Rave: This October will mark 50 years since the release of the first James Bond spy film, Dr. No, starring Sean Connery (the only James Bond, for my money).

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Truism: The only streaks in sports that aren’t overrated: consecutive championships.

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English update: Ineptocracy (in-ep-toc'-ra-cy) - a system of government where the least capable to lead are elected by the least capable of producing, and where the members of society least likely to sustain themselves or succeed, are rewarded with goods and services paid for by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers.

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Truism: Muscle shirts are for people with muscles, and rhythm guitarists.

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Rant: Sporting events would be far more congenial with a lot less loud music and fewer sound effects.

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Quote: “From his neck down, a man is worth a couple of dollars a day; from his neck up, he is worth anything his brain can produce.”—Thomas Alva Edison.

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Hmmm: Ask anyone under 40 what time it is, they will look at their phone and answer you digitally. They have no concept of “25 or 6 to 4” or quarter after, half past or quarter ‘til.

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Rant: Hasn’t the “use by date” come and gone for such tedious expressions as: “It’s All Good,” “Just Saying” and “Back in the Day?” Now, here’s an expression I intend to use a lot this year: "Nice turn signal, you moron."

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R.I.P.: Kodak going into bankruptcy is the end of an era. Kodak’s Brownie made photography possible for millions…and made it simple. I owned a lot of Kodak cameras….from the Brownie to the InstaMatic to the disposables of today. Like the typewriter and the slide rule, new technology has brought other products to the forefront. However, I’ll still miss their bright yellow signature.

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Rave: AMC “Hell on Wheels” has been renewed for a second season. “Hell on Wheels” could become an excellent show…enough of the self-indulgent monologues already! Let the characters carry the show…they’ve got plenty of talent.

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Truism: Conventional Wisdom is always conventional, but much less often wise.

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Hmmm: As good as the competition is among the Top-15 or so teams, it’s a shame that Women’s College Basketball is in the witness protection program.

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Rant: It would be nice to see LeBron James have a season at least half as big as his ego and entourage, would it not?

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Just asking: Is it true that fantasy football is to blame for America’s failure to keep pace with the Chinese.

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Hmmm: Since the Mayan calendar predicts the end of the world this year, it would be nice if they put out a swimsuit issue.

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Rant: Seems that to obama, the only rich people he resents are those who do not kick in to his re-election war chest

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Hmmm: Movie crowds dropped to a 16-year low. Maybe the geniuses in Hollywood should stop making everything for 15-year-old boys.

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Rant: You were shocked I know, when you learned that Katy Perry and Russell Brand were divorcing.

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One last thing: By my count there were 35 bowl games this season…about 30 too many.

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If you can read this, thank a teacher.

If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.

If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.

That is all.

As you were.







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