Saturday, December 31, 2011

Curmudgeon in the Wry 518

Saturday, December 31, 2011---672 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 14 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)

Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.

Continuing to call them as I see them.

Virtually free of original ideas.

Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.

Often wrong…never in doubt.

Being wrong is the risk you run by thinking and acting.

A Grumpy Old Man Production.

If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!

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Rave: Mary Katharine Ham.

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Reading: “Shortcut Man” by p.g. sturges.

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On the Hi Fi: “The Indispensable Bix Beiderbecke.”

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Under rated: Vincent Price.

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I miss: Chet Baker, Patsy Cline, Carmen Miranda, and Lew Burdette.

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Rant: Grammar tip to sportscasters and writers---there is no need to use a modifier on the word “unique.” “He’s a very unique player” or “He’s a little bit unique” is unnecessary---you are either unique or you’re not, as unique means one of a kind.

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Rave: As usual, Fox News Channel was the top cable news channel in 2011, and was the only cable newser to place in the top 10 list of cable channels in both primetime and total day. FNC placed fourth in primetime, behind only cable stalwart USA, sports juggernaut ESPN and TNT. In total viewers FNC placed sixth, behind Nickelodeon, USA, Nick at Nite, Adult Swim and TNT.

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Double Rave: MSNBC placed 28th in primetime and 30th in total day, while CNN placed 29th in primetime and 27th in total day. Somebody let Chris Mathews know that no one is watching.

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Didjaknow: Chicago’s population has dropped by 26% since 1950---7% since the last census.

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Hmmm: Remember when coeds were called coeds?

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Truism: Tim Tebow is neither a fancy passer, nor a passing fancy.

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Rant: Football players no longer fumble anymore---they “put the ball on the ground.”

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Quote: “I remember playing Catholic schools in basketball when every kid on the team would cross himself before he took a foul shot. I asked a Jesuit priest I knew if that helped. ‘Well,’ he said, ‘it does if you're a good free-throw shooter.’”—Frank Deford.

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Hmmm: By announcing a move to NASCAR, Danica Patrick found yet another way to increase her visibility without actually winning a race.

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Rant: With America’s obesity rate up to 34%, Jack LaLanne died too soon.

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Quote: “Do your best when nobody is looking. If you can do that, you can be successful at anything you put your mind to.”—Bob Cousy.

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Truism: Coaches and players always say, “I don’t want to throw anybody under the bus,” just prior to throwing someone under the bus.

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Quote: “Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.” – Anon.

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Quote: “Liberals regard themselves as moderates for the same reason that fish are unaware they’re wet. They simply have no other frame of reference.”—Bernard Goldberg.

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Holiday Cheer: The Green Bay Packers will be the first NFL team to play on Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Day.

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Dubious Achievement Award: Should UCLA lose the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl in San Francisco today, the 6-7 Bruins would become the first bowl team to lose eight games. UCLA’s opponent is no powerhouse, as Illinois is 6-6.

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Rant: Other bowl games featuring suspiciously mediocre contestants---Music City Bowl (12/30) Wake Forest and Mississippi State are both 6-6. Meineke Bowl in Houston on 12/31 has two 6-6 teams (Northwestern and Texas A&M.) In the Gator Bowl on 1/2/12 Florida and Ohio State are both 6-6. Why would anyone care about such pedestrian matchups is beyond me.

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Rave: Only one University has had three players become the number one draft pick in the NBA. That would be Duke---Art Heyman (1963), Elton Brand (1999) and Kyrie Irving (2011).

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One last thing: It’s always about the money.

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If you can read this, thank a teacher.

If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.

If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.

That is all.

As you were.


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