Sunday, October 16, 2011

Curmudgeon in the Wry 512

Sunday, October 16, 2011---741 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 39 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)

Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.

Continuing to call them as I see them.

Virtually free of original ideas.

Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.

Often wrong…never in doubt.

Being wrong is the risk you run by thinking and acting.

A Grumpy Old Man Production.

If you want this in a different language…move to a country that speaks it!

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Rave: Veronica Lake.

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Reading: The Killing Song” by Florida’s P.J. Parrish.

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On the Hi Fi: “The Indispensable Duke Ellington and the Small Groups.”

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Under rated: Elisha Cook, Jr.

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I miss: Myrna Loy, Vic Wertz Count Basie.

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Quote: “Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules: The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.”—Anon.

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Quote: “Humor is generally a function of intelligence. You’re only as funny as you are smart.”---Gregg Doyel, CBS Sports columnist.

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Quote: “Fond of diversity in everything but thought, a certain kind of liberal favors mandatory harmony {e.g., campus speech codes}. Such liberals, being realists at least about the strength of their arguments, discourage ‘too much’ debate about them {e.g., restrictions on campaign spending to disseminate political advocacy}. —George Will.

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Department of redundancy department: Same exact, free gift, safe haven, end result.

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Rave: I’m a big fan of the cocky, smart aleck, sarcastic Tommy Jefferson on “Harry’s Law”---brilliantly played by Christopher McDonald. NBC has ordered six more episodes.

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Rant: Don't you think baseball teams overdo it in the celebration department? Dog piling, spraying champagne and generally acting like frat boys at a toga party is a bit asinine just for advancing to a possible world championship.

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Hmmm: USA Today pointed out that Fox's NFL pregame show Sunday (10/2) {never mind the actual games} garnered a larger overnight rating than any baseball playoff game played that week. It doesn't help MLB that its first-round games were parked on TBS, the equivalent of the witness protection program.

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Hmmm: Depending on what criteria are used, you can have as much official poverty as you want, regardless of whether it bears any relationship to reality.

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Hmmm: Corporate speak is the art of saying nothing.

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Hmmm: If big corporations did control everything, they would, like government programs, never change or lose power. However, large firms regularly come and go, because, in contrast to government programs, they only remain powerful as long as they are serving customers.

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Department of redundancy department: Advance warning, close proximity, PIN number, ATM machine, foreign imports.

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Truism: I am always smarter after reading a column from Dr. Thomas Sowell.

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Truism: Three differences between Occupy Wall Street extremists and tea partiers. The tea partiers have jobs, showers and a point.

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Truism: Dan Duryea made every film he was in better.

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Truism: General Electric employs more workers outside than in the USA. GE has created more jobs overseas in the last decade than it did at home. The company has received $127 million in contracts, grants and loans from the $787 billion federal stimulus package, according to Recovery.gov…all while paying zero federal corporate taxes last year.

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Truism: Experience is knowledge acquired too late.

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Truism: If you can afford junk food, you can certainly afford healthier food.

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Truism: P.T. Barnum would love the Kardashians.

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Department of redundancy department: Exact same, basic fundamentals, future plans, each individual.

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Irony Alert: The anti-capitalist, anti-corporate extremists of “Occupy Wall Street” mourning Apple founder Steve Jobs.

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Dweeb Humor: “We don’t allow faster-than-light neutrinos in here,” says the bartender.

A neutrino walks into a bar.

Don’t get it? Wait a second. It will hit you.

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Didjaknow: In the last nine years, seven of the 18 teams reaching the World Series have been wildcard teams.

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Passages: Peter Gent…Dallas Cowboy wide receiver, whose best-selling “North Dallas Forty” [1973] was the seminal novel about drugs, sex and greed in the NFL---sort of the canary in the coal mine.

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Passages: Al Davis was a true original. In truth, he probably was as close to being a legend in his own time as anyone. The concept of political correctness was not in his lifestyle. Just win, baby.

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If you can read this, thank a teacher.

If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.

If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.

That is all.

As you were.

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