Saturday, May 21, 2011

Curmudgeon in the Wry 501

Saturday, May 21, 2011---704 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 8 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)

Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.

Continuing to call them as I see them.

Virtually free of original ideas.

Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.

Often wrong…never in doubt.

Being wrong is the risk you run by thinking a

nd acting.

A Grumpy Old Man Production.

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Rave: Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

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Reading: “Riding the Rap” by Elmore Leonard---a Raylan Givens novel.

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On the Hi Fi: “Stop, Look & Listen” by The Highwaymen.

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Under rated: Wallace Berry.

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I miss: William Holden, Doak Walker, Mutt and Jeff, Ella Fitzgerald.

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Rave: Benjamin Netanyahu showed the world there is a vast difference between a leader (who is also a war hero) and a community agitator. All I can say to the Prime Minister is, “don’t go changin’.”

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Hmmm: What does Snookie do for a second act.

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Sad, but truism: Aside from the Williams sisters, no American (male or female), has won one of the Grand Slam tennis championships in the past seven years.

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Rave: TCM ran a very tasteful homage to Jackie Cooper as part of their “TCM Remembers” vignettes. Also, a good retrospective of his films. He was one of the few who got along with Wallace Berry.

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Rant: Babe Ruth and Ted Williams would have to be playing before I would sit in Fenway Park until 2:45 in the morning.

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Truism: Ownership has nothing to do with control. Ask any cat.

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Quote: “In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.”—George Orwell.

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Hmmm: I never figured out why Superman wore a cape. Okay, I get the tights. If you’re flying faster than a speeding bullet, you want to be as aerodynamic as possible. If speed is what it’s all about, why slow yourself down with the cape? I’ll leave question of the unfortunate red underpants worn outside the tights for another day.

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Name Game: Juan Williams should change his name to Yawn Williams.

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Rave: The final Spenser novel written by Robert B. Parker, “Sixkill,” was a treat. Spring is Boston will never be the same.

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Rant: I am not the type to lose sleep worrying about whether or not Tiger Woods will win the four more majors to tie Jack Nicklaus.

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Rave: Especially given their minuscule payroll, the Tampa Bay Rays are a baseball miracle.

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Hmmm: Who knew that Johnny Damon would be among the American League RBI leaders in May. Certainly not I.

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Rant: The “Pirates of the Caribbean” craze will once again have to start without me, but that’s all right.

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Didjaknow: Adrian Gonzalez is the first Red Sox first baseman to throw left-handed to start a season opener since Bill Buckner.

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Hmmm: Does Katie Couric get to take her teleprompter with her to her new gig?

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Rant: If you can name the top-five hitters in the American League, you deserve to go to Cooperstown.

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Quote: “ I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.” -- Marshall McLuhan.

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Rant: Too many men are going with the ridiculous shaved head-full beard look.

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Hmmm: With oldies like Posada, Rivera, Jeter, Colon, et al, almost every day is Old Timer’s day at Yankee Stadium.

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Didjaknow: So far this season, MLB has the greatest percentage of shutouts since 192. The ratio of strikeouts to home runs is rising as well.

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Truism: Today’s teens don’t know anybody who came before Lady Gaga or Justin Bieber.

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Quote: “Interleague play has run its course and has worn off for me.” Tiger manager, Jim Leyland. I could not agree more…but then it never wore on for me.

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Rant: Big Ten officials are discussing a proposition that would pay athletes a small income to cover everyday expenses not included in their scholarships. Sounds like a scheme to help jocks pay for tattoos.

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Book Biz: Next week a 700-plus-page book on the history of ESPN will be released. Perhaps we’ll learn how that bozo Chris Berman manages to keep his job.

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If you can read this, thank a teacher.

If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.

If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.

That is all.

As you were.


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