Saturday, October 10, 2009

Curmudgeon in the Wry 453

Saturday, October 10, 2009---757 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 18 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Virtually free of original ideas.
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Being wrong is the risk you run by thinking and acting.
A Grumpy Old Man Production.
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Rave: Mason Williams.
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Reading: “Parallel Lies” by Ridley Pearson.
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On the Hi Fi: Jimmy Dorsey’s “Perfidia.”
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Under rated: Wil Andersen.
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Quote: “Dilbert has done more to tell the truth about work than all the latest business books combined.” —Richard Moran.
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Truism: Megyn Kelly is one tough cookie.
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Know this: “Agree in concept” is a long way from “I agree.”
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Quote: “A joke is a very serious thing.” —Sir Winston Churchill.
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Quote: For something to be funny, the audience has to be in a position to sense the truth of it.” Gary Trudeau. And, SNL’s lampoon of obama was funny!
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Quote: “You don’t have to be on TV every day. You’re the president, not a rerun of ‘Law and Order.’”—Bill Maher—“You’re skinny and in a hurry and in love with a nice lady, but so is Lindsay Lohan. And just like Lindsay, we see your name in the paper a lot, but we are kind of wondering when you’re actually going to do something.”
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Rave & Rant: The MLB post season is all great theater, and it’s about time, for the past month or so has been a baseball version of waiting for Godot. Most September baseball games have as much meaning as those March Spring Training clashes.
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Factoid: The 1990 Cincinnati Reds won only 91 games; did not have a pitcher who won 16 games; did not have a hitter who drove in 90 runs. However, they swept the A’s in the World Series.
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Didjaknow: Babe Ruth had a lower lifetime earned run average than Cy Young, Whitey Ford or Sandy Koufax. During his early years with the Red Sox, the Babe pitched nine shutouts in a season---still the American League record for a left-handed pitcher. He could have made the Hall of fame without ever hitting a home run.
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Post game wrap-up: Olympic Committee 1, obama 0---if you’re scoring at home.
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Stats: Regular season MLB attendance was down 7% this season.
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Rant: A 9:37 PM start time for AL Division Red Sox/Angeles is simply unconscionable.
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Didjaknow: Those of us living in the USA watch an average of 151 hours of television a month.
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Next step: If your checkbook never balances, change banks.
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Hmmm: There is no truth to the rumor that obama was going to declare war on Denmark after Chicago lost the Olympic bid…instead he blamed George W. Bush. It was on W’s watch that Chicago went from the initial three-dozen-plus sites to the Final Four. presbo earned both the blown save and the loss.
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Murphy’s Law: The sun will always shine on your computer screen when you don’t want it to.
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Truism: Always keep the ball in their court.
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Whiskey Tango Foxtrot: I was certain the Nobel committee meant the Nobel Appeasement Prize.
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Rave: So happy to see Michael Moore’s movie flopping at the box office. Too bad, so sad.
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Truism: Looks like this year’s scariest Halloween masks are Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi.
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Fashion Police: Ignore any new fashion trend with its roots in the 1960s or 1970s.
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Rant: If you wear six-inch heels, don’t complain about them.
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Rant: “Civil Service mentality” is never used to describe a highly effective and efficient work group.
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Pop Quiz: This one is a multiple choice. If you were the Commander In Chief, whose advice would you think would be the most worthwhile concerning the best course of action in Afghanistan?
A) General Pelosi
B) General Biden
C) General Reid
D) General McChrystal
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Truism: Jabbing the elevator button incessantly will not make it appear faster.
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Good Advice: Use the phrase “value added” no more than once a week.
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Even Better Advice: Go to any meeting where food is served. If something productive also gets done in the meeting, it’s a bonus.
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Extremely good advice: If you are going to project a computer onto a large screen, be certain one of your icons is not labeled “porn.”
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If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you can’t, thank the teacher’s union.
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.