Thursday, July 09, 2009

Curmudgeon in the Wry 441

Thursday, July 09, 2009---651 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 19 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Virtually free of original ideas.
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Being wrong is the risk you run by thinking and acting.
A Grumpy Old Man Production.
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Rave: Elmer Bernstein.
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Reading: “The Water’s Edge” by Daniel Judson.
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On the Hi Fi: Stan Kenton, 1940-1944.
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Under rated: Leo Forbstein.
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Must See TV: This Saturday on Turner Classic Movies at 4 PM is The Magnificent Seven”---followed at 6:15 by “Vera Cruz.”
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This just in: From P.J. O’Rourke, “The subjunctive mood is indicative of a supposition contrary to fact. If that were what you liked, you’d have switched columns by now and would be reading Paul Krugman.”
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(Dennis) Miller Time: “”Gore’s so drab and boring that his personalized license place is just a series of random numbers and letters.”
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Rave: Every sandwich is improved with a healthy slice of Bermuda onion.
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This just in: From the Wall Street Journal---A recent poll found that 42% of teens can text with their eyes closed.
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Advice: To keep kitty off the furniture, scatter aluminum foil on the furniture where you do not want the cat to land.
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Quote: “When a subject becomes totally obsolete, we make it a required course.” —Peter Drucker.
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Stats: Only 22% of people polled can name the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, while 66% can name at least one celebrity judge on American Idol. More people can name all five members of the Simpson family than can name the five freedoms protected under the First Amendment.
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Quote: “I’m wondering when the Mafia will officially ask for a government subsidy. Yes, I know it’s a criminal organization, but so is ACORN, which faces indictments for voter fraud in several states, and yet obama and his Democrat cronies are funneling them millions of dollars.” --- Burt Prelutsky.
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Kitchen helper: When storing hard-boiled eggs, write the date on the shells to keep track of their freshness.
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History: I think things started falling apart in the USA when tail fins began shrinking.
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Didjaknow: Once upon a time Bill Mahar was actually funny.
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Rant: How many professional people do you know, who have recorded menus on their business phones…menus with lengthy subsets that suggest everything you might want to know with the exception of what you really want to know?
These are followed by more subsets that may or may not wind their way to a human who, more often than not, sounds disappointed that you finally discovered their hiding place.
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Furthermore: How many people waiting behind the counter of a store you would like to spend some dough in are truly helpful?
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Hmmm: I have yet to “get” preheat. Either you have the oven heating or not.
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Gotta love them: Those presbo town hall meetings with about 100 of his closest friends.
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Way over-used: The word “issues”---why can’t we call a spade a spade and say problem, trouble, predicament or difficulty.
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Truism: If your kid is majoring in something that ends in “Studies”, you better not turn their bedroom into a den…because that one is coming home after college.
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Rant: Watchdogs are an endangered species in this Marxist age of obama.
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Truism: More books have been written about chess than any other game.
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Rant: A government bureaucracy controlling your medical care is likely to combine the efficiency of the post office with the compassion of the IRS. Imagine a trip to the Department of Motor Vehicles---but to secure life-saving treatment, rather than to get a driver’s license.
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Didjaknow: Caffeine is virtually odorless and tasteless.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

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