Saturday, June 27, 2009

Curmudgeon in the Wry 438

Saturday, June 27, 2009---744 Words---Average Reading Time: 2 Minutes, 32 Seconds. (A pointless waste of time---time frittered away)
A Life in the Slow Lane Production.
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Virtually free of original ideas.
Warning: Contains unsound bites from the apple of life.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Being wrong is the risk you run by thinking and acting.
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Rave: Andy Hardy
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Reading: “On the Grind” by Stephen J. Cannell.
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On the Hi Fi: Blossom Dearie’s “Teach Me Tonight.”
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Under rated: Henry Aldrich.
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Rave: With Rafael Nadal resting his knees, this Wimbledon, I find myself cheering for Great Britain’s Andy Murray.
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Hmmm: Further proof that all the good team nicknames have been taken: “Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs.”
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Didjaknow: The Portland Trail Blazers hold the record for most consecutive sellouts in professional sports (744)…followed by the Boston Celtics (567), Chicago Bulls (515) and the Boston Red Sox at 500.
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Rant: The old definition of “nitwit” used to be a kid with a baseball cap on backwards driving too fast in an SUV. The new definition? The same kid, but this time he is talking on a cell phone, too.
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Truism: If you like movies, the worst three words you can hear are “big summer flick.”
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George Will Quote of the week: “Politicians have extraordinary shoulder joints that enable them to pat themselves on the back, and last week the president, a master of that calisthenic, performed it in the Rose Garden. His subject—aside from himself, as usual—“
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R.I.P.: Kodachrome---1935-2009.
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Rant: I was shocked; shocked to learn Sammy Sosa used steroids. In a million years, I never would have suspected. Glad I was sitting down.
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Practical math: Actually, there are roughly 40 countries in the world with larger muslim populations than the USA.
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Rant: Pravda was more critical of Brezhnev than ABC (All barak Channel) is of presbo.
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Another truism: The Washington Nationals should have to go back to the minor leagues and work their way back up.
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Department of irony: During the late 1950’s and early 1960’s, Americans gathered around the television and watched family sitcoms such as “The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet” (435 episodes)—“Leave It to Beaver” (235 episodes)—“Father Knows Best” (203 episodes). Seldom, if ever, were the Nelsons, Cleavers or Andersons seen watching TV.
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R.I.P. Farrah Fawcett, who defined a certain era in ways few Hollywood female stars ever did.
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Rave: Fred Lynn might have been the most graceful baseball player I ever saw.
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Rave: Baseball is better with Pedro in it.
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Yet another truism: College basketball players who leave school early — like Pitt’s DeJuan Blair and Georgetown’s DaJuan Summers — and don’t go in the first round of the NBA Draft have gotten very bad advice…or believed their own hype.
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R.I.P.: I always thought Ed McMahon was one of the good guys. About three decades as the sidekick to Johnny Carson, he spent a lot of time in America’s bedrooms. Self-effacing and a genuine patriot…I’ll miss him.
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Quote: “To object to being called sir or ma’am by anyone, especially a member of the military and especially a high ranking member of the military is to betray an ignorance of the military and a tone deafness to civility that is appalling in anyone, especially a of the United States Senate.” —Dennis Prager.
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Didjaknow: There is no such fish as a sardine.
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Quote II: “obama’s ongoing promise that he’s ‘creating or saving’ jobs is as plausible as the chess team captain’s claim that his supermodel girlfriend can’t fly down from Canada for the prom.” —Jonah Goldberg.
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Hmmm: Seems to me that more and more riding mowers are showing up on smaller and smaller lawns.
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Quote III: “I often find myself thinking that if liberals didn’t have double standards, they wouldn’t have any standards at all.” —Burt Prelutsky.
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Oh no, another truism: Your car will stop making that funny noise the moment you get it to the mechanic.
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Quote IV: “The average Democrat in Congress couldn’t properly handle the bank in a game of Monopoly, much less a real bank.” – John Hawkins.
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Rant: Every grocery-shopping cart has at least one wobbly wheel.
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Things that aren’t: Preshrunk jeans, 24-hour flu, wash & wear, one size fits all, convenience stores…discount stores are, but there is usually a good reason.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

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