Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Curmudgeon in the Wry 378

Tuesday, January 08, 2008---651 Words---Average reading time: 2-minutes, 7 seconds (time frittered away) (a pointless waste of time)
Offending readers and hindering productivity one issue at a time since 2001.
Almost completely free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
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Rave: Lana Turner
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On the Hi Fi: Bachelor Pad Royale.
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Reading: “Straits of Fortune” by Anthony Gagliano.
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Quote: “Good habits are much easier to give up than bad ones.”---Somerset Maughn.
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Paraphrase: “There is no crying in primaries!” Once again, the wide load in a pants suit, exemplifies disingenuousness to the nth degree.
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Bumper Sticker of the Week: “Raise your hand if you are a conservative…raise your standards if you are not.”
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Rave: A Starbucks in upstate New York put out two tip jars -- one labeled "Mac," the other "PC." Customers voted on their favorite computer platform with tips. When the staff added up the contents of the jars at the end of the day, they declared a winner: Macs won, with twice as much tipping as PCs.
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Pop Quiz: Who won the 2007 Kentucky Derby?
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Didjaknow: The average lifespan of a baseball in the major leagues is six pitches.
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Hmmm: The happiest man in town is the village idiot.
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Useless info: The plastic flamingo population in the US is greater than that of real flamingos.
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Growing, growing: In 1987 there were three area codes in Florida…today there are eleven.
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Smart guys: Dean Martin, Frankie Valli, Cary Grant, Gene Hackman and Billy Joel were all high school dropouts.
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Film history: Alfred Hitchcock directed the first British “talkie.”
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Pop Quiz II: What film won last year’s Oscar for Best Picture?
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More useless info: “German chocolate cake” is not a chocolate cake made in a German style, but a cake made with German chocolate.
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Rant: Wearing spandex should be a privilege, not a right.
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Just asking: Can you remember your first telephone number?
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Calming advice: Next time you find yourself in a tense business situation; ask yourself, “What would Bob Newhart do?”
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Rant: Shuttle buses.
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Hmmm: How come TV shows need laugh tracks, but movies do not?
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Truism: Were it not for weddings, there would be no reason for electric woks.
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Pop Quiz III: What actor won the Emmy in the drama category last year?
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Dead giveaway: Never underestimate a person who writes with a fountain pen.
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Old habits: Ever notice that once you put something in a kitchen drawer, you never change its location.
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Time management: If you desire shorter meetings, do not provide chairs.
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Apropos of nothing: About one in three of the world’s population cannot snap their fingers.
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Pop Quiz IV: Who won the Grammy for Best Male Pop Vocalist last year?
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Rant: Whenever someone repositions my rear view mirror.
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Rave: Checking the air on your spare tire and finding it AOK.
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Food fight: If you want to be certain you will never see the waiter again, tell him you need “just another minute.”
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Something’s fishy: The distinctive flavor of Lee & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce comes from anchovies.
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Hmmm: Has anyone ever worn out a hammer?
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(Maybe) Mission Impossible: Try to solve a crossword puzzle using only the Down clues.
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Just curious: Do you really think ice tongs are better than fingers?
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Quote: “The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and have to watch someone else doing it wrong without commenting.”—T.H. White.
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Truism: Veronica Lake never had a bad hair day.
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Numbers game: Initially the Dave Clark Five had six members.
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Rant: Football players who remove their helmets to showboat after any sort of a play should be made to the rest of the game without the helmet.
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Pop Quiz Answers: Street Sense, “The Departed,” James Spader, John Mayer. How quickly we forget.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

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