Sunday, August 12, 2007

Curmudgeon in the Wry 356

Sunday, August 12, 2007---696 Words---Average reading time: 2-minutes, 22 seconds (time frittered away)(a pointless waste of time)
Offending readers one issue at a time since 2001.
Almost completely free of original ideas.
Often wrong…never in doubt.
Rave: The Barbaras, Mason and Lewis
On the Victrola: “Begin the Beguine”—Artie Shaw.
Reading: “The Mordida Man” by Ross Thomas.
Rant: Isn’t it special to see the leaders of the NAACP asking everyone not to judge Michael Vick until his day in court? I just do not remember them asking the same for the Duke Lacrosse players.
Rave: The Boots Randolph rendition of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” remains my favorite version.
Hmmmm: Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
Try this at home: To find the cause of global warming, stand barefoot on a lawn and then move to asphalt.
Factoid: If all the trucks that delivered the latest Harry Potter novel were lined up bumper-to-bumper, the caravan would stretch 15 miles.
Rant: Can you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?
Didjaknow: Prior to 1898, only the U. S. Post Office could manufacture post cards.
Rave: The FedEx Kinko’s office meeting spot currently running on TV is hilarious.
What’s your preference?:
“Casablanca” or “The Maltese Falcon”
“Hud” or “Cool Hand Luke”
Maverick or Rockford
Rowdy Yates or Dirty Harry
Wally & Beaver or Frasier and Niles
“Rio Bravo” or “El Dorado”
Hamilton Burger or Perry Mason
Sam Spade or Philip Marlow
Opie Taylor or Richie Cunningham
“The Magnificent Seven” or “The Great Escape”
“Shane” or “Pale Rider”
Indiana Jones or Jack Ryan
“Twilight Zone” or “Outer Limits”
Little Rascals or Dead End Kids
A Cast of Thousands or CGI
Nick Charles or Philo Vance
Tarzan or Jungle Jim
Andy Hardy or Henry Aldrich
The Falcon or The Saint
Mr. Moto or Charlie Chan

Useless factoid: Among those who have played the part of Wyatt Earp in the movies and on TV are Henry Fonda, James Garner, Kurt Russell, Joel McCrea, Randolph Scott, Burt Lancaster, Hugh O’Brien, Richard Dix, Jimmy Stewart and Kevin Costner. It is hard for me to pick a favorite---but the finalists are Fonda, Garner and Russell. Who is yours?
Rant: Sweating it out…do you feel run-down and achy? Is your head hurting? Don’t blame the heat or humidity; you’re suffering from the newest national epidemic – Barry Bonds fatigue.
Rant: Lunatic fringe---if you actually believe that the Bonds home run ball should bring $600,000 or $60,000 or even $6,000, turn the family checkbook over to your wife and seek help
Rave: If “The Secret Servant” by Daniel Silva isn’t the best new book I have read this year, it is in the Top Three!!!
Rant: Don't talk on the phone while ordering food, purchasing items etc. If you are in the checkout line, get off the phone and show some courtesy to the attendant.
Gather up all the old wired phone booths and require restaurants and other public places to have a few, then, anyone who wants to use their cell must go into the booth, thus saving us all from the knowledge of their human experience.
If you want to talk on your cell phone, you don't need my company.
Do you think phone etiquette can be taught in schools?
OK Pilgrim: No phones on belts. There is no need to holster digital artillery.
Rant: School is starting and with it is an increase in sightings of the most ruthless and feared creature on the highway, the dreaded mini-mom. If you sight a mini-mom, make no attempt to intercept or reason with her, as she has an uncertain temper and limited attention span.
That mini-mom is drinking coffee, talking on her cellphone and trying to discipline unruly children. Driving is the last thing on her mind.
Rant: Replacing Rosie with Whoopie is enough to gag a maggot…from bad to worse.
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

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