Saturday, June 18, 2005

Curmudgeon in the Wry 298

Saturday, June 18, 2005---549 Words---Average reading time: 1-minute, 52 seconds
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Rave: Tex Beneke
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Rant: Howard Dean & Richard Durbin (Dem.-Illinois) ---what Volkswagen did these clowns come piling out of?
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Check it out: If you look closely, you can see Howard Dean’s lobotomy scar.
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Truism: A penny saved is a government oversight.
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Rant: Free snacks do not break airlines, million dollar bonuses do.
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This just in: Saddam Hussein is attempting to move his trial to California.
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Could be: Has M.J. hired O.J. to find the real pedophile.
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Rant: Nancy Grace may miss a few days of work due to surgery. The docs are trying to remove both her cloven hooves from her mouth.
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Rave: The Old West. If you want to learn the real history, watch The History Channel---but if you want a crackling, fast paced and highly entertaining yarn about the mythic west, then “Appaloosa” by Robert Parker is the perfect way to spend a day.
Marshall Virgil Cole and his deputy Everett Hitch are itinerant lawmen (town-tamers) who are hired by the aldermen in Appaloosa. Rouge rancher Randall Bragg and his hired guns have terrorized the town and killed the previous Marshall and deputy.
Cole is a born killer who justifies himself by sticking to the letter of the law and the town must agree to let him make the laws.
Mr. Parker’s spare, terse prose sets perfect scenes with a handful of words and explores characters and motivations with intensity. Gunfighters, storekeepers, bar tenders, painted women, hostile Kiowas and people without a past come to life as members of the secondary cast.
Cole’s duplicitous and two-faced girlfriend is the wildcard that helps set situations akimbo.
The narrative gallops along to a classic western ending with a twist…while throughout Mr. Parker has something to say about the nature of men and women in the Old West.
With themes reminiscent of “The Magnificent Seven,” “Gunfight at the OK Corral” and “My Darling Clementine” the story of Appaloosa is elegant western escapism.
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Rant: When Phil Jackson’s return to the Lakers is a bigger story than the NBA Finals, then just maybe the sport is in trouble.
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Job search: Some have suggested that Mike Tyson could become a greeter at a Las Vegas casino. Of course, he might quit halfway through his shift.
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Rant: Bank behavior has gotten worse as bank fees have increased.
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Rave: In terms of clean design, it is difficult to improve upon the waffle.
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Truism: Anyone who answers a ringing pay phone deserves what he gets.
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Rave: Skipping stones well is a fine art.
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Sad, but true department: Hardly anyone plays the concertina any more.
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Rimshot: You can always tell when you are in a mob owned restaurant…they serve broken leg of lamb.
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So true: You can never get rid of dust. The best you can hope for is to move it from one place to another.
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Hmmmm: Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper? Let me guess---the idea is to get it to taste like anything other than Dr. Pepper.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

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