Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Curmudgeon in the Wry 295

Wednesday, May 11, 2005---560 Words---Average reading time: 1-minute, 48 seconds
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Rave: Herb Alpert
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Hmmm: Why do riding lawn mowers have head lights?
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Rant: I would gladly pay $5,000 for a device that disables all automotive subwoofers within a half-mile radius. And the inventor should get the Nobel Prize!
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Just wondering: Who do you figure out there has the capacity to creep Michael Jackson out?
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Rant: It never ceases to amaze me how quickly movies nowadays become “new classics.” Give me a break!
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Admit it: You refuse to take the top newspaper in the stack…even if it is in pristine condition.
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Rave: Cannot think of a nicer NFL story than Doug Flutie getting to finish his football career in New England, where it all started.
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Rant: Radio commercials should not be allowed to use car horns.
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Stats: On her current five-title streak, golfer Annika Sorenstam has won $1,025,000. In 1978, Nancy Lopez’s five consecutive LPGA tournament victories earned her $73,500.
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Rave: In “The Forgotten Man”, Robert Crais weaves an exceptionally intricate plot and unravels it in a most satisfying and logical manner.
The police procedural aspect is realistic and intriguing.
We also learn a bit more of the back story on lead character, Elvis Cole (“world’s greatest detective”).
A murder victim’s dying words are that he the father Elvis never knew.
This revelation starts Elvis tracing the man’s history in a quest to learn the truth. He and the LAPD investigators cooperate and share information…a rare show of collaboration.
Crimes from the past show up as one generation casts a shadow over the next.
The twists and turns are genuinely well crafted…I was taken in often as the case evolved. Magnificent plotting!
Los Angeles is a major character and Mr. Crais is a master at getting the city’s culture, lifestyle and state of mind to seep into the reader’s consciousness without drenching the reader and overdoing it.
This is an outstanding addition to the Elvis Cole anthology. Not to be missed.
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Rant: Those who refuse to fill prescriptions for birth control pills because of religious beliefs should have become preachers instead of pharmacists.
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Rimshot: I went bald at an early age; I suffered from premature Kojak-ulation.
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Rant: Nancy Grace should be named Nancy Disgrace.
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Rimshot II: The rehab clinic for people addicted to Girl Scout cookies is called the Betty Crocker Center.
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Rave: www.dandydons.com
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Rave: “Bad Day at Black Rock” is finally out on DVD.
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Rant: The toy-like coffee makers hotels place in your room.
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Useless Factoid: It takes the same amount of time for a ray of sunlight to reach the Earth as it does to listen to Don McLean’s 1971 hit, “American Pie”---eight and a half minutes.
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Rant: Those who walk around with wireless cellphone headsets in their ear all day look ridiculous. Hey Captain Kirk, wake up, the Star Trek convention left town a long time ago.
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Rave: Nobody on TV gets away with saying what he thinks — about anything — more than Charles Barkley. We need more people like him…especially in the disgustingly politically correct sports broadcasting.
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If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English thank a Veteran.
That is all.
As you were.

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