Friday, April 01, 2005

Curmudgeon in the Wry 289

Saturday, April 2, 2005—507 Words---Average reading time: 1-minute, 47 seconds
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Rave: Lalo Schrifrin
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Rant: It cannot be a coincidence, can it, that since Shaquille O’Neal’s arrival in Miami, Heat guard Dwyane Wade has become the next Kobe Bryant, while back in L.A., Kobe is being treated like day-old sushi.
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Stats: The eight regional finalists were a combined 46.8 percent beyond the arc, and coaches were too quick to milk a lead…just ask Arizona coach Lute Olson.
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Must see TV: The Women’s NCAA Final Four and Finals are on ESPN Sunday and Tuesday. Not to be missed…as there are many All Americans on the court. Sophia Young from Baylor, LSU’s Temeka Johnson and Seimone Augustus, Shyra Ely and Brittany Jackson from Tennessee and the Spartans’ Liz Shimek are all big time athletes and electrifying players.
So on Sunday nite, eschew the steroid boys of summer and watch some scintillating basketball.
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Truism: Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
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Hmmmm: Does anyone still have a rumpus room?
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Rant: When did knuckle-cracking in public become acceptable behavior?
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Rave: Niagara Falls is actually quite impressive.
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Truism: For the Washington Nationals’ inaugural season, RFK Stadium has a hydraulic pitcher’s mound that disappears into the ground with the push of a button. Don’t you just know there are going to be times this summer when fans will want the hydraulics engaged with a Nationals pitcher on the hill.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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Rant: You know your noble cause has officially become a circus once Jesse Jackson shows up
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Bumper Sticker of the week: Save the Earth! It's the only planet with chocolate.
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Intaxication: The euphoria of getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money in the first place.
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You don’t say: With the start of the baseball season still a couple days off, the leader in the clubhouse with the year’s unintentionally funniest comment is Devils Rays G.M. Chuck Lamar, who said, “The only thing that keeps this organization from being recognized as one of the finest in baseball is wins and losses at the major league level.”
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Hmmm: Could the Ten Commandments be considered the first blog?
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Just wondering: If there is summer stock, how come there is no winter, spring or fall stock?
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Tis true: You are pretty old if you remember when pop-tops actually came off the can.
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Free advice: Never answer an anonymous letter.
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Rant: Something is amiss when NBA people are allowed more access to the McDonald's All-American Game than college coaches who have signed some of those kids.
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Just asking: Have you ever a ventriloquist’s dummy that did not give you the creeps?
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Rant: People who fail to signal their turns ought to be beaten with sticks.
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Hmmm: Does weatherman training involve a course on how to make something simple seem complicated?
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That is all.
As you were.

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