Thursday, March 31, 2005

Curmudgeon in the Wry 288

Thursday, March 31, 2005—541 Words---Average reading time: 1-minute, 48 seconds
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Rave: J.J. Redick
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Rant: So now we're calling illegals Mexican nationals?
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Truism: Forget Red states and Blue states. The real difference between people in America is whether they hang stuff from their rearview mirrors or not.
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Rave: Listening to Artie Shaw make you ecstatic the clarinet was invented.
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Save for next winter: If, after a snowstorm, you go to all the effort to dig out a parking space in front of your house on a public street, is it OK to "reserve" that space by putting an old kitchen chair there? And what if someone tosses your chair aside and parks in your space while you are at work? Drag out a garden hoses and encase the offending car in a block of ice. It was wet and cold work, but it is worth it to see the expression on the dweeb's face when he got back to his car.
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Rave: Roger Maris looks even better in light of steroid’s use.
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Rant: I'm glad Michael Jackson has recovered from the flu. I thought he was looking a little pale.
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On ice: Pity the NHL. During the lockout, ESPN filled in with programming — more poker, for example — that swamped hockey’s ratings.
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Olympic moment: Did you realize that the famous Miracle on Ice, which recently celebrated its 25th anniversary, was originally broadcast by ABC on tape delay?
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TV timeout: What percentage of the audience for college basketball games are baby boomers? I only ask because, recently, it seems as if every other ad during games is for “Cialis.” Gee, you’d think that this time of year, Billy Packer could provide all the stimulation true hoops fans need.
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Rant: Can't Michael Jackson afford a simple dark suit? He looks like half of a Russian ice dancing team.
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Hmmmm: When Michael Jackson goes to prison, who is going to hold up his umbrella for him?
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Just asking: Why do they even let Iraqis drive cars?
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The Stilt: March 2nd marked the 43rd anniversary of Wilt Chamberlain’s 100-point game against the Knicks. Wilt was so fatigued from the effort that two nights later, the Knicks held him to 58.
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Factoid: With March Madness brackets broken, the U.S. Bureau of Census reports that Americans gamble more money each year legally than they spend on groceries, cars, clothes and movies combined. Who says our country doesn’t have its priorities in order?
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Rant: The thought of Adam Sandler remaking The Longest Yard makes me ill.
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Rant: Say what you want, but the French are always there when they need us
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Rant: The congressional committee hearing with major league baseball players exposed another possible side effect of steroid use — the inability to provide a straight answer.
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Hmmm: Why does this Eddie Bauer guy own so many SUVs?
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Confession time: When I was young I always thought Meathead was right and Archie was wrong. Now, I am Archie.
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Another truism: You can tell an awful lot about a person's character by where they leave their shopping cart in the grocery parking lot.
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That is all.
As you were.

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